it all started with a baseline mammogram....
Stoopid Cancer...
I guess I used up all of my positive energy early in this journey, and I should have done a better job rationing it out. True, I am done with chemo, three weeks out in fact. That is all fine and good. I thought I was done with my weekly visits to the doctor, but they are happily scheduling CT Scans and echocardiograms to fill the void. I also still have to have Herceptin every three weeks, which is supposed to have no ill side effects other than controlling HER2 cells, but usually makes me feel nauseated and wonky. And oh yeah, there is the hormone therapy I will be on for the next 5 years, and my impending surgery in May. I am also enjoying my bonus gift from the chemo as an extra 25 pounds on my already plus sized frame. A lot of people lose weight with chemo, but noooooo not me. So I am bald, swollen, and just generally sick and tired. Just in case you didn’t know. CANCER SUCKS!!!
well, thank goodness this ordeal is 83.3333% of the way over…..I don’t know how much more I can endure. I feel like I am being a bit melodramatic, but last night was a particularly rough night and my body seemed to be revolting against itself with a vengeance I have not yet seen this far in the process. Can’t wait to be done with this and move on….
I am SO sick of being sick and tired. I am over this. I hate not having hair; I hate how the freaking chemotherapy makes me feel. I hate these things on my chest that are supposed to be boobs. I hate that I get so tired so easily. I hate having to go to the doctor every freaking week. I hate that this has dragged on for almost 8 months now. I just want to go back to normal. Vent over…..carry on.
i figured I would post. It is the morning of my 4th chemo treatment. it is 2am. The steroids that put my White blood cell count into overdrive also make me run warm and keep me up at night. But, since I have made it thru 3 treatments without catching a cold or anything else like that, I guess it is worth it.
I guess the last time I posted was about my hair loss. after the initial shock of baldness, I have found that having no hair isn’t SO bad!!! It reduces my getting ready time by about 15 minutes, which is 15 more minutes I can sleep in the mornings! I was pretty self conscious about wearing a hat everyday, but now I hardly give it a second thought. It is probably because I have some fabulous hats, and I think I look pretty cute in them! (in retrospect, however, I wish I had worn the mohawk for a few days….I totally could have owned it!)
people have been asking how I have been doing. I find it comforting that people are checking in on me. My stock answer: “some days are better than others”. Truthfully though, it is getting increasingly difficult to stay positive. Don’t get me wrong, I am still staying positive, it is just harder to do so. After tomorrow’s treatment…I am 66.66666666% of the way home! The light at the end of the tunnel is there! It is dim, but it is there! yahoo!
